


The First Other

by jyuanka



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M, subtle character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 23:58:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11263716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jyuanka/pseuds/jyuanka
Summary: Leorio has sex with another man for the first time, but the night doesn’t end as nicely as he would’ve liked it to end. Smut and other things. Leorio/male OC.





	The First Other

Leorio did not know when he was shoved against a wall and his breath caught between a pair of panting mouths, but he was kissing just as hard, drawing the other man closer to him, one hand in his hair, the other searching for some kind of surface to place his whiskey glass on.

Music around them was blaring, but it was only a haze in Leorio’s head as he tilted his head to the side to leave a trail of kisses up the other man’s neck, letting his hands wander under his kisser’s gauzy shirt, pushing him gently forward so that their erections were grinding off each other.

When that happened, the other man broke the kiss. “I… my apartment is close, you wanna go there?”

Leorio took a breath and tried to balance himself, his hands still caressing the other man’s back. “Sure, yeah.”

They were out of the club, and Leorio had no idea how they managed to remain calm until the door to the other’s apartment opened and he found himself pushed furiously against the closed door, arms raised to let the other drag off his shirt completely while kissing his stomach and chest and neck.

Leorio sighed in pleasure, never having experienced being at the other end of so much kisses, and let the other man drag him into his room. When they arrived he was pushed back on the soft bed, and the other climbed on it as well, straddling Leorio’s thighs.

The two took long, languished breaths, panting and regarding each other in silence. It was the first time Leorio had a good look at his mysterious kisser. The other man had a round and lively tanned face, marred by freckles and graced with a pair of big, glistening brown eyes, and a pair of glasses over them. A smile crept its way into his hot face, and the other man returned it with a bright and warm smile of his own. He was really pretty.

When Leorio pushed his torso off the bed and leaned on his elbows, the other man wobbled a little, and Leorio became aware that he was the one less drunk here. Now they sat on the bed, the other man in his lap, legs still straddling his waist, hands resting on his shoulders.

Leorio reached with his hands and began slowly undoing the man’s shirt buttons. “What’s your name?”

“Fredrick.”

“I’m Leorio.”

“Hi, Leorio.”

Leorio chuckled. “Hi,”

Fredrick leaned forward and took Leorio’s face in his hands and smashed their mouths together, wet and warm and hungry. Leorio returned the kiss just as feverishly, and his hands continued to untie the buttons until he stripped Fredrick from his shirt and let his hands wander over his back and waist and chest.

Fredrick suddenly stopped and jolted back. “Sorry,” he said, taking his glasses off and placing them on the bedside table. He looked back at Leorio. “I forget I’m wearing them sometimes.”

Leorio’s fingers ran over the other’s jaw. “It’s alright.”

“So, uh… how do you want to start?”

Leorio felt his face heating in embarrassment, and his hand was already reaching to scratch his cheek. “I… don’t know, I mean I have a general idea, I just… I never had sex with a man before.”

Fredrick’s eyes widened in surprise. “Boy neither did I!”

A giggle grew into chuckles and the two men burst out in laughter.

“Well, I was counting on you.” Leorio admitted.

Fredrick’s mouth hung open in amusement. “And I was counting on _you_. I feel bamboozled.”

Leorio’s frowned. “Sorry for that.”

The freckled man held his face in his hands and a wide grin spread across his face. “No no please don’t! Bamboozled in a good way. I mean, god…” he slid his hands down Leorio’s torso and the desire in his eyes grew hotter. “You have a really beautiful chest, and shoulders, and face too, I only saw your visage in the dark across the room but I was correct, my eyes didn’t fool me. At all.”

Leorio’s mouth twitched, and a part of him wanted to laugh and another wanted to grab the man and shower him with kisses.

“Okay, you said you had a general idea, I have a general idea too.” Fredrick said, getting off Leorio and the bed. “I’ll bring lube.” and he sauntered outside his room, probably to the bathroom, only to return after two seconds, lube nowhere to be seen in his hands. “You wanna top or bottom?”

“Bottom.”

The answer was out before he even though about it, and Leorio had to do a relapse just to make sure he heard himself correctly. It’s not that he’d never thought about it, it’s just that topping would have been easier on his first time, or so he told himself. All knowledge pertaining to sex between two men was one he acquired from books (and porn, but he knew that medium wasn’t a particularly reliable source of educational material), he read and watched, but never had the guts to pursue men he found attractive. Not in campus, not in parties, not in the Association, not in the hundreds other places he went where attractive men roamed.

Experience with women was plenty, and he had learned to stop being awkward and clumsy with female sexual partners, but men were a different matter altogether. Or maybe it wasn’t, and he was just making it to be much more than it actually was, because he was a little afraid, but excited and aroused and determined to make this encounter something good and memorable.

It was the first time, for the both of them, so there were no pressure, no presupposed dynamics, nothing that will make him feel odd and inexperienced, so when Fredrick showed himself again at the door and traced his way back to the bed in small steps, Leorio allowed himself to relax, fell back on the bed and used his nen to calm his heart and slow down his breathing.

All his nen did was make him even more aroused. That bitch.

Fredrick put the lube on the nightstand and hunched down over Leorio’s sprawled form, leaning farther down to plant gentle kisses on Leorio’s neck and jaw and temples. “I missed you.” he whispered in the crook between Leorio’s neck and shoulder blade.

Leorio chuckled, breathless. “You’ve just been gone for a minute.”

Fredrick shrugged. “I missed you anyway.” he repeated, plodding his mouth down Leorio’s stomach in series of slow, leisurely kisses. When he reached the hem of Leorio’s pants, he glanced up. Leorio knew the other was waiting for a confirmation of consent, so he offered a nod.

“Go for it.”

Fredrick unbuckled the pants, unzipped it, and then dragged the hem down, so Leorio raised his legs to make it easier for the other to strip him entirely. They were actually getting to serious things, and Leorio could sense the heat rising just beneath his skin, could sense his blood rush faster, could feel his nen crashing like waves against his core.

The other’s hands were cool on his skin, his fingertips soft and tender, his mouth hot on Leorio’s erection. He drew a sharp inhale when the contact happened, and his arm shot up to his face to cover his eyes.

A kiss on the tip of his cock. “You’re nervous.”

Leorio wanted to smile, or reply with something funny or witty, but his face felt stiff, like there was no blood or even nen left in it.

Another kiss. “You’re trembling.”

“I am?” it came out a taut, desperate whisper.

“Yeah, it’s very hot.”

Leorio’s throat was too dry, his head too light, his legs heavy and shivering. A sigh escaped his lips, and in the darkness permeating his vision, he willed his nen to move about his body, and cease descending downwards in unnecessarily large proportions. It didn’t help at all when his nen felt just as hot as his blood, hotter, even, because he needed it to operate as a cooling, calming factor.

He needed to contain it, too, because too much of it was seeping out, and while Fredrick was certainly not a Hunter (otherwise the guy would have immediately seen Leorio’s nen) the nen whirling around and within him could still be felt; he had previous experience in how a strange feeling in the air during sex could ruin the mood. He wasn’t going to risk it.

When he focused enough, nen started returning to his head and lungs, and his legs stopped shivering. His thoughts were now clearer and that foggy sensation in his brain dissipated.

Leorio removed his arm from his face and cranked his neck to take a glance at the other guy, and was met with a vision of his dick in a loose grip and a pair of confused eyes.

“Is everything alright?” Fredrick asked, in a mix of worry and bemusement. “Look if you’re not comfortable we don’t have to do anything.”

Leorio replied with a vigorous shake of the head. “No no I’m fine, just a bit anxious.”

“Would a kiss help with that?”

Leorio smiled. “You should try.”

Fredrick straightened his back and crawled forward, taking Leorio’s lower lip between his teeth, and the loose hand gripping his cock grew firmer and took to sliding up and down. Leorio’s arms shot up to embrace the other, and his hands slithered into the mane of soft black hair, taking hold of wild locks to pull at them when the hand gliding up and down his dick increased pace.

Fredrick broke the kiss to look at him, his hand still going up and down. “You don’t want the blowjob?”

“No, just kiss me.” and he pulled the man closer to bring their lips together again for a wet, lolling kiss.

Leorio was afraid of coming off as too sappy and overtly affectionate with someone who’s but a stranger, but Fredrick was returning all those gestures with enthusiasm, moving his lips over Leorio’s in frantic excitement, like he wouldn’t mind if that was epitome of their encounter.

But Leorio didn’t want that to be the epitome of this night, so he cupped Fredrick’s hot cheek to lift his head and let their eyes meet. “I’m ready.”

Fredrick’s beautiful brown eyes crinkled in a smile. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t mind if I just kissed you some more.”

Leorio grinned. “You can fuck and kiss me at the same time.”

The freckled man snickered, a timid rosiness adding to his already red cheeks. “Okay, right, I can do that.” he stretched his arm towards the nightstand, grabbed the lube bottle and fished a condom out of the drawer, then leaned back over Leorio and rained hectic, playful kisses on his face and neck and chest, the kisses becoming lazier and drawn out as Fredrick dragged his lips and hands across fevered skin, leaving a wet kiss on the base of Leorio’s cock before continuing down the inside of his thighs.

Leorio widened his legs, closed his eyes, and allowed his body to drink in all the different sensations, to preserve them, to let his mind be present and remember where the pleasure was, where he liked to be touched most, the places where the kisses jolted him and riled his nen.

When he felt a finger enter him, he arched his back and let out a long sigh, and without thought, his hand reached to grab the sheets and twist them between his fingers. The finger glided in and out, and it was at the moment when Fredrick added another finger that Leorio discovered a neat trick; he could focus his nen there, in and around his opening, let it coil itself around his prostate, even around Fredrick’s fingers. It was cheating, but he was never above using dirty tactics to get what he wanted.

Now that he was able to use his nen more productively, Leorio felt more in control of his body, and much more at ease. The sensation of Fredrick’s fingers inside him was becoming more intense, the movement more frantic, and he couldn’t help but let out an impatient, exasperated moan.

He used his knee to gently nudge Fredrick in the shoulder, and when the other man looked up, his lips rosy and glistening, Leorio gestured for him to come closer, pulling down his face for a long, fevered kiss. He broke the kiss and stared at his partner. “Just take off your pants and fuck me already.”

Fredrick replied with an excited nod, straightening up and sliding off the bed to unbuckle his belt and let his pants and bright blue boxers slide down his legs, and boner. He tried to kick them away but his feet ended up caught in the hem of his pants and he stumbled about, and for a moment, Leorio thought the other man was about to fall but he managed to steady himself with a hand against the wall.

Fredrick stared down at his feet, the creases of an embarrassed smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and he snorted, struggling to lift his head and meet Leorio’s eyes. When he finally did, a short, hearty chuckle escaped his chest. “I’m so sorry this is embarrassing and not sexy at all.”

Leorio had half his face buried in the pillow, and his mouth widened in a face-splitting grin, remembering all the times he tripped or slid or tumbled over and felt like crying because he was so embarrassed for messing up, while nude no less, in front of many, many women.

He stared at Fredrick with twinkling eyes. “I think you’re adorable and endearing and I really, really want to have sex with you.”

Fredrick ran a hand through his hair and bent down to pull his feet properly out of the pants. “I hope this didn’t ruin the mood, it really was sexy in my head.”

Leorio gave the man a sympathetic nod. “I can relate.”

The two snickered for a moment before Fredrick walked back to the bed, reaching down in search for the condom lost somewhere between Leorio’s feet. When he found it and secured it around his erection, an air of awkward practically descended upon the two, and they were back into silence marred by heavy breathing.  

Leorio’s fingers found their way back to the sheets when the tip of Fredrick’s cock settled on his entrance. “If you feel pain or discomfort or anything just tell me alright?”

“Alright.”

“And also,” Fredrick pressed his lips in another embarrassed, cute smile. “You want me to go all in, or do you want it slow and gradual?”

Leorio hummed, weighing his choices, not feeling impatient but lighthearted and gleeful. “Go all in, stay there, come down to kiss me, and then we’ll figure it out from there.”

Fredrick chuckled, kneeling between Leorio’s legs. “That’s quite specific.”

“I welcome variations.”

Fredrick placed his hand on Leorio’s stomach, and used the other to hook it under Leorio’s knee, lifting his leg up for better access. A moment later, Leorio had a cock inside him, and it felt weird, and a bit uncomfortable, being filled in that way, and he wondered why the _thought_ of it was more arousing than the actual act itself. Nonetheless, he breathed, allowing his body to take in the new sensation, and reached his arms for Fredrick to lean into them.

The kiss was even more delicious, somehow, their lips dragging over each other, unhurried, dizzying in its laziness, murky, filling him with a pleasurable, foggy sensation, and he was already pulling Fredrick towards him, wanting him farther inside him, wanting him to move.

Leorio let out quite the moan when his partner moved all the way out, and then pushed himself back inside him. “Shit…” he exhaled but it didn’t help at all, his stomach was knotting in that old-new way, in a way that was quite familiar but not, and all he could think of was that he wanted more of it.

He blinked at the other man. “Do that again.”

And Fredrick did, dragging Leorio to the edge of the bed, and hooking his hands under long, shivering legs to open them wider, he began gliding out, at an agonizingly slow pace, and meeting Leorio’s desperate face with a cheeky smile before abruptly thrusting his dick inside again.

Leorio groaned and his eyes drew shut, and he could only feel Fredrick bending down to place a long, wet kiss on his neck. He hummed into it, and his hands snaked to the other’s back to draw invisible lines and circles, and his legs coiled themselves around Fredrick’s waist.

Fredrick whispered in his ear. “Good so far?”

Leorio opened his mouth to say that yes, pretty good, but only a sigh of pleasure came out. When Fredrick began moving inside him in a consistent rhythm, Leorio had entirely lost the desire to speak. His nen was doing everything by itself at that point, doing things that he didn’t even think about, without waiting for him to send it anywhere in his body; it was flowing and ebbing within him, mimicking the rhythm of Fredrick’s thrusting, bubbling and sparking whenever Fredrick hit just the right spot.

He buried half his face in the pillow, eyes still closed, and skimmed his hand towards his erection, wanting to jerk himself, to add to the nen already twirling there, but Fredrick’s hand was quicker.

“Let me do it.”

His voice felt so far away from Leorio, so distant, and there was some fumbling and touching of the fingers before he forfeited his hand and let Fredrick pleasure him.

There was also another voice, markedly his, raspy and breathless in a way he never heard before, never heard coming from him, anyway. There were a few seconds where his own groans and small whimpers and husky cries made him self-conscious, and he was tempted to open his eyes and see the other’s face, but his head remained tilted to the side, and all he managed was a silly question.

“Am I moaning so loudly?”

“Yeah and you shouldn’t stop it’s turning me on so much.”

Leorio’s shoulders shook with muffled laughter, but Fredrick continued talking, still fucking him in that steady, rhythmic way. 

“Something else is turning me on too--and it’s weird I mean--” he inhaled and let it out in a snort. “Those bites--all over your body--snakes eh? You fell in Queimada Grande or something?”

Now Leorio really did laugh. “Is that your idea of dirty talking?”

“It might become so,” Fredrick chuckled, shoving his cock in a little too enthusiastically, earning himself a loud moan mixed with a snort. “It makes you appear as a man of danger. I could-I could just imagine you… slaying some monster--to retrieve some ancient relic.”

Leorio covered his face with his arm, feeling more embarrassed than he should. The thought of him slaying a monster for a mere relic was too fantastical and too ridiculous to even entertain, but nonetheless he was giggling at it, surprised that someone would find that specific image to be hot.

Fredrick wasn’t the first to make comments about the snakebite marks all over his body. They weren’t something he was particularly proud of; they were scars, not ones gained in battle but ones gained in recklessness, and they were small and many and noticeably light-colored against his brown skin. He rarely thought of them anymore, rarely was self-conscious about them, but he derived a childish and silly kind of glee from knowing they turned Fredrick on.

Leorio felt cold fingers wrap themselves around his wrist and gently remove his arm away from his face. He opened his eyelids to meet Fredrick’s beaming down at him with a warm smile and a warmer look in his eyes. It made his heart flutter and heat coil in his stomach, so he slid his arm about to cup the man’s cheek and caress it with his thumb.

“You’re lovely and you should kiss me.”

Leorio didn’t like smallness, not associated with him anyway, literally or figuratively; he enjoyed the fact that he was tall and occupied quite the space, so never in his life did he imagine he would enjoy feeling this physically small under another, feeling spoiled, coddled, cared for, protected, even. Never did he imagine such a thing would feel so good. He was usually the one doing the kissing, the pandering, the pleasuring, because he grew up believing that’s what men did during sex, they took control and did the majority of the work with few groans and grunts, and this was novel, and it was wonderful, to feel this way.          

So he let himself be engulfed by the other, he let go, allowed himself vulnerability and returned the kiss just as feverishly, moaned and bit and scratched when Fredrick’s thrusts grew faster, more erratic, shooting pleasure through his spine, enlivening his nerves. He dug his nails in hot skin and felt teeth sink into his shoulder. It was thrilling, exhilarating, the sound of Fredrick’s labored breaths against his ear, the sensation of hot breaths tingling his skin and Fredrick’s firm and quick stroking of his cock.

When he came, it was in jolts, and his nen was a flimsy structure that crumbled on itself upon orgasm, and he truly felt it leaving his body altogether with semen and sweat and hot breaths. Once he was back from that red, sizzling aftermath of climax, he could faintly feel Fredrick thrusting inside him still, prolonging his own pleasure.

Their eyes met in the dim light of the room, and both smiled. Leorio spread his arms, inviting the other man down. Fredrick pulled out of him, took off the condom, knotted it and threw it on the nightstand, and then fell quite contentedly with a sigh into Leorio’s arms, burying his face in the crook of Leorio’s neck.

He was giggling, so Leorio tilted his head down to look at him. “What is it?”

Fredrick looked up with a timid smile on his face. “I wanna say something but I don’t want it to upset you.”

Leorio smiled back, removing a couple of damp stray locks from Fredrick’s forehead. “Still, what is it?” 

“You look deceptively straight.”

Leorio burst out in laughter. “Really?”

Some energy seemed to seep back into Fredrick as he propped his arm on the pillow to look Leorio at eye level. “Really. It’s by some divine trick that you aren’t.” his beautiful big eyes seemed to gain on a fresh gleam. “In the club I was a bit drunk and I glimpsed your face and I thought: jeez, he’s totally straight, but I wanted to try my luck anyway and when you were receptive to my advances I shit you not my heart grew a size or two.”

Leorio felt heat climbing into his face, and his heart did a silly little leap. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

Fredrick shook his head. “You don’t have to say anything, I just wanted to tell you.” then he did a relapse. “You’re not upset are you?”

It was Leorio’s turn to shake his head. “No not at all. It’s just funny, I thought myself straight even when my first crush was a boy, and even when my first kiss was with another boy, and it took a while for it to dawn on me because I like women a lot, so the attraction seemed temporary and exclusive to these two specific boys…” Leorio tapped Fredrick’s short nose with his finger. “I should have realized it sooner.”

Fredrick hummed and flopped back on the pillow, muzzling his nose in Leorio’s neck. “I know it’s not appropriate to ask one night stands what they do in life, but… what do you do in life, Leorio?”

Leorio rested his head over Fredrick’s. “I’m a transfer med student with a shitty and occasionally dangerous job. You?”

“Amateur photographer struggling to make a living in a new city.”

“You like Swaldini?”

“Yes very much, it’s beautiful, it’s multicultural, there are great galleries and great restaurants and I’ve met a lot of wonderful people here.” he kissed Leorio’s neck, as if to further demonstrate his point. “So tell me about yourself, what kind of danger you encounter on your job?”

“The kind that could end with me stuck in Queimada Grande. Forever.”

Fredrick giggled and poked Leorio’s shoulder with his finger. “Come on now, I feel like it’s really interesting.” 

Leorio’s smile waned, and he distracted himself by splaying his fingers in the other’s soft hair. He suddenly realized how difficult it has become to hold a conversation with non-Hunters, or even speak with them, especially since he accepted the position with the Zodiacs. Their next mission was mired by danger, potentially deadly, and to top it all off, a classified secret. Even the little other things that went on in the Association wouldn’t be a comfortable subject for pillow talk.

There was literally no way for him to talk about himself or his job with Fredrick without revealing major information, and without putting his integrity as a Hunter under question. 

It frustrated him, how the normal, mundane world seemed to be slipping ever so slowly out of his hands, and how most of the time, he could barely notice the differences. It upset him how harder it has become to be able to revel in ordinary joys, like getting to know someone who isn’t a Hunter, like getting to spend time with normal folks who didn’t constantly speak of the million different ways one could die in the Dark Continent.

He missed the kind of vulnerability one had with lay people, people who still abided by the rules of a clear and known world, and who still considered dying an early, unjust death one of their biggest fears.

Leorio stared at Fredrick and struggled to repair his smile, and just when he was about to ask the guy to show him some photographs, the buzzing of his phone somewhere on the floor was strong enough to reach him on the bed.

He immediately untangled his arms from the Fredrick’s and rose from the bed, surveying the floor for his phone, following the faint sound of ringing. When he finally found it, he turned his back to Fredrick and opened the message blaring on his screen.

**_“Boar. We have an urgent meeting at 1:30._ **

**_I know it is inconvenient but you must be present.”_ **

Followed by a dog emoji that had become familiar at that point. Cheadle and the others needed him.

Leorio turned around, fearing that the apologetic smile drawn on his face was too dreary for the other man to buy. At that point Fredrick had sat upright in the bed with an expectant look on his endearing face.

“Is everything alright?” he asked.

“Yes, it’s work.”

Fredrick’s face fell, and he shifted his gaze away from Leorio. “You need to go, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Leorio replied, staring at that upset face with the twisted mouth and downcast eyes, feeling like his own face was molding into the exact same expression.

The other man sighed. “Well, can I get your number or something?”

Leorio’s heart skipped a beat. He knew that his answer was going to hurt the other, and he dreaded it. “I could give it to you--” Fredrick’s head perked up, and the air around him lightened, but Leorio was quick to explain his point. “—but it wouldn’t matter. The place I’m going to in a week is cut off from the rest of the world, so it’s not just you, I would simply have no way of contacting anyone.”

The way Fredrick’s face contorted pinched his heart in a painful way. He didn’t mean it to come out like that. The truth was that he had no idea when he will return from the Dark Continent, or if he will even _return_ at all. For all he knew, he could die in there, and it isn’t like Cheadle hadn’t already drilled in his head all the various, colorful ways they could perish in that alien land.

It wouldn’t do to form even the shallowest of bonds with someone who had no idea about all this, with someone who still has many chances, many opportunities to go out there and meet cute boys and girls and have great one night stands and get their number and ask them for dates.

Thinking of all this twisted his heart, because he knew that he no longer belonged to that world, to that world he loved so much; a world of studying and sleeping for hours and partying and dating and casual sex and blind, mindless fun. It was no longer his world, for now his world was that of colleagues in questionable animal costumes, and emotionally distant friends, and daily, brakeless nen training that left him exhausted and drained, and above all that, he was still expected to show up to an urgent meeting first hour in the morning, without even possessing the smallest desire to decline and turn his back on it.

He wasn’t that kind of person, no matter how much he wished he was sometimes.

Fredrick turned his head to look at him, a lukewarm smile painted on his face. “Can we at least eat dinner together? Maybe go for a cup of coffee or something? I know a really nice--”

“I can’t.”

 Silence descended on the room, and Leorio bent down to pick up his strewn clothes, hoping he had enough time to reach his apartment and take a quick shower before the meeting starts. He could feel Fredrick’s eyes follow his movements as he wore his clothes piece by piece, his underwear, his pants, his shirt and jacket, and the staring was heavy and bothersome and he considered telling him to stop, but instead he pressed his lips and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” Fredrick whispered, his fingers clutching his shoulder, his eyes struggling to gaze forward and not down. “I’m being really clingy and pathetic. I mean— I don’t even know you...”

Leorio wanted to walk to the edge of the bed, and take Fredrick’s embarrassed face in his hands and maybe kiss him and take his number and make an empty promise to meet again, but he didn’t. He knew it would be unfair, it would be callous and meaningless, because he had nothing concrete to back it up with, so all he did was offer him a smile, a trifle in this situation, but he had nothing else to give.

“You’re not being clingy and you aren’t pathetic,” he told him as he tucked his phone in his pocket. “It’s not your fault.”

Fredrick didn’t reply with anything, still frozen in that position, gripping his shoulder like it’s the last thing that kept his pride intact. Leorio sighed, and started making his way to the door, feeling Fredrick’s gaze on his back, but when he turned around to meet it, the other man averted his eyes.

It shouldn’t have ended like this, it didn’t _have_ to end like this, it was just a one night stand, it didn’t have to mean so much to Fredrick, even if it was his first time, but Leorio was not one to speak of that. He had no right to say these things. He had no right to tell Fredrick to stop feeling whatever he was feeling. He had no right to demand he get over it.

“Thanks for the lovely night, Fredrick.” he said, hoping that the other would turn his head just a little and look at him, but he didn’t, so Leorio pivoted and turned the door’s handle. “You take care, okay?”

He opened the door and closed it behind him, and stood there in the dark hallway to take a breath and collect himself.

For a moment, he thought about turning off his phone and going back, to ask Fredrick to show him some of those photographs, to dig in his brain for conversations that didn’t involve his work, and then maybe go for both dinner and coffee, and watch sunrise together like some sappy old couple.

For a moment, he wished that he’d told Fredrick how glad he was for sharing that experience with him, how downright changing it was, and how he was glad that it wasn’t with another Hunter, because he knew he wouldn’t have been able to let go, or be vulnerable, or do any of the things he did less than an hour ago. He would have felt self-conscious and on guard, would have wondered if a word could reach their colleagues, and it was painful, because even if their night went differently, Leorio had no way of letting Fredrick know these things. Now, he couldn’t tell him how much this night meant to him, on so many levels; that throughout it, Leorio had felt, for the first time in months, that he was just a regular guy who wasn’t constantly pondering death and the future simultaneously, that his life was that of a normal med student whose biggest concerns were getting excellent grades and coming to terms with his sexuality.

For an hour or so, those things seemed present and real. So real that Leorio wouldn’t have minded living them again, but now that his head was clearer, he knew differently. The life he has chosen for himself was the result of conscious decisions he’s made along the way, and he wouldn’t exchange it for anything else in the world, not even for someone as lovely and comforting and worth knowing as that man.

Leorio buttoned his jacket, willing the sad and taut expression away from his face, and descended the stairs with his head held straight.

He still had time to take a shower.

* * *

 

Note: if you’re wondering, Queimada Grande is the name of an island off the coast of Brazil that is chock-full of venomous snakes.     


End file.
